An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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