Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I love you. Go after that dick
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
