some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
