Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
