I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
