I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
