yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
