i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
