im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
