are you still at the devil's house?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
