did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We talked him into tasing himself.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
