Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
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