You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
