This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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