Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
