well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
