my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
