physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
