At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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