I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
