My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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