I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
