Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
