I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
