I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
