is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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