Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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