when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
