On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
