hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
