i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
