I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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