why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
