I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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