ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
