Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
