I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
