the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
nutella sex= disaster
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
These tits shall not be calmed
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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