I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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