I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
