we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
