She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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