I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
