he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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