So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
In other news, I just burned my penis
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
