Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
