I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
