I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
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