Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
