So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
