Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
